


Dear Diary

by insert_screaming_here



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Dan's perspective, Diary/Journal, Eventual relationship, M/M, Mutual Pining, Phan - Freeform, Sexual orientation confusion, Short Chapters, catirific side character, non-canon ages
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-11
Updated: 2016-11-14
Packaged: 2018-08-21 23:05:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 29
Words: 3,204
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8263735
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/insert_screaming_here/pseuds/insert_screaming_here
Summary: Dan gets a diary for Christmas.{rip this story tbh}





	1. December 25th

Dear Diary,

Hi, my name is Dan and I'm 17 years old.

I just got you for Christmas, I think it was supposed to be a joke gift. But whatever.

It's kind of creepy to refer to you as if you're a sentient being.

Oh well.

Anyway, uh, life is good, I guess? I'm not really sure what to write in here. But I think I'll try to write almost every day.

Anyway, goodnight.


	2. January 2nd

Dear Diary,

It's been a while since I've wrote in here. Sorry about that, but I haven't had much to report. However, I met  
someone really interesting at school today. He's new.

His name is Phil, he's a senior, like me, but I think he's 18. He's really nice but a bit weird.

Notes on Phil:  
-Funny  
-Kinda strange  
-Brilliant blue eyes  
-A bit northern

That's it for now, I'll try to write soon.

Bye <3


	3. January 13th

Dear Diary,

My day went surprisingly well, seeing as it's Friday the 13th.

Phil and I went for icecream after school and the person at the counter accidentally dropped it all over me, so we got both ice-creams for free!

Unfortunately, I still smell like mint. Perhaps that's not a bad thing, though.

I know I haven't even known Phil for a month, but it's feels like he's one of my best friends. It's easy to be myself around him, plus we're in to the same things.

Till next time.


	4. January 24th

Dear Diary,

Another new kid at school, her name is Cat, she seems pretty cool. She's also really extremely pretty.

She has a strange obsession with "shipping" people. I can kinda see it, especially when she pointed out all the Larry moments. I really can't believe I didn't notice something so blatantly obvious.

Cat showed Phil a Larry fanfiction at the beginning of lunch and he had read it for the entire length of the period.

We're at my house studying now, but he's reading it again. I think he may be becoming a Larry Fangirl.

I texted Cat about it and now she's laughing.

Cat what have you done.


	5. February 1st

Dear Diary,

Valentine's Day is coming up and I have no bae.

Okay using the word bae feels really weird even if I am just writing it.

Anyway, in other words, I am painfully single and not ready to mingle. But I really want to receive chocolate.

In other news, Cat, Phil, and I went shopping at a strip mall today. Phil convinced us into getting Starbucks, and bought himself a clock in the shape of a cat.

Honestly, I love the man.

I mean,

no homo though.

Phil and I were bantering over whether or not socks should always be matching when Cat started giggling at us suspiciously. But when I asked her why she was laughing she refused to answer. :c

Tbh I think she's just going insane.


	6. February 14th

Dear Diary,

Phil bought me chocolate.

Is this what love feels like?

Jk, Jk.

But seriously it was really nice of him. After all I was dropping multiple hints about NEEDING chocolate.

He said some cheesy line about how he likes to see me smile and Cat started giggling again.

I mean,

of course I was flustered. Who wouldn't be? Right?

It's only a natural reaction.

Anyway, the real thing I should be talking about is how Phil wore an all-black shirt today.

I was proud of him, but at the same time it didn't exactly suit him. Phil's personality screams positive and I think it set the universe off balance when he wore a dark color.

It really made his eyes pop, though. Have I mentioned his blue eyes? I don't remember, they're really gorgeous.

They're like the color of the sky when it's windy and not very humid, and there's only a few clouds so you can really see the blue-ness.

…

I'm not really sure, what that was, it just kinda came out.

Uh… see ya next time.


	7. February 28th

Dear Diary,

I think I'm gay.


	8. March 1st

Death Diary,

Yeah, I'm really gay.


	9. March 10th

Dear Diary,

I think I may like Phil in more of a way than friends.

But I don't know if I should tell him.

I mean, what if he rejects me?

Our friendship would be over.

I don't think I could deal with that.

But I don't think I can deal with holding in this big of a secret either.

Okay.

I'm gonna tell him.


	10. March 11th

Dear Diary,

My head hurts.

I was really pumped up and ready to tell Phil that I liked him, but he also wanted to tell me something, so I let him go first.

He eagerly told me that he had a girlfriend, luckily it isn't Cat, I wouldn't have survived if it had been her.

It's someone named Francine.

Apparently she has long black hair and green eyes. Phil described her as if she was the most beautiful human being on earth, you could tell that he really loves her.

According to him they had been chatting online for about a month now, and had just met in real life.

I mean, I'm happy for him.

But

It kinda hurts.


	11. March 30th

Dear Diary,

Cat seems to be catching on to my foul mood.

I can't help it, whenever Francine comes around my expression instantly sours.

It isn't exactly jealousy, it's just, she reminds me that I never had a chance with Phil to begin with.

That’s enough for today.


	12. April 12th

Dear Diary,

I know it's pathetic, but I feel so dependent on Phil.

This isn't healthy.

It's not good for me.


	13. April 17th

Dear Diary,

Phil says that Francine doesn't want him to talk to me anymore. She thinks I'm hitting on him.

Phil doesn't seem to know what to do, I told him it was okay if he wants to leave me. Or rather, stop being friends with me.

I want him to be happy.


	14. April 18th

Dear Diary,

I lied it’s not okay.


	15. April 19th

Dear Diary,

I feel like I'm dying, Cat keeps trying to cheer me up but Phil was my main source of joy.

I know it's not good for me to be this infatuated with someone but I can't help it.

My grandmother once told me to never give someone the power to break my heart unless I knew they deserved that power.

The truth is, Phil deserved that power. He still deserves it.

And I more than like him.

I love him.

I'm in love with him.

God I'm fucked.


	16. April 20th

Dear Diary,

This entire thing feels dream-like.

But in more of a nightmare-like style.

It's unreal that Phil isn't sitting next to me prattling on about how ridiculous penguins would look without beaks.

I really want to talk to him.


	17. April 21st

Dear Diary,

I saw Phil today.

He didn't look good, well he always looks gorgeous but, it was like he hadn't been sleeping.

We locked eyes for a second, but Francine was with him and she quickly drew his attention back to her.

Was he happy?


	18. April 22nd

Dear Diary,

Phil and Francine broke up, Phil came straight to me.

Apparently Francine was cheating on him. Phil looked a bit defeated, but not heart broken.

Maybe it's just my mind making me see things.


	19. May 5th

Dear Diary,  
Phil seems a lot happier, and I certainly am now that he's talking to me again.

He constantly apologizes for ever choosing Francine over me, but I always reassure him that I was the one who suggested it.

Francine never deserved a good person like Phil.

Cat keeps doing the creepy giggle thing and it's starting to annoy me.


	20. May 16th

Dear Diary,

All three of us went to a fair today.

While walking next to each other, my and Phil's hands brushed slightly, leaving me to awkwardly blush like the potato that I am.

It may have been my imagination, but I think I saw a hue of red spread across Phil's cheeks, also.

It got me thinking about how I was going to confess before, but now I know Phil's straight.

I think I'm going to keep my mouth shut on this one and just enjoy our friendship.

Cat seems to think otherwise, I caught her writing a fanfiction about us. Which is not only only incredibly creepy, but stalker-ish in the extreme details she added to it.

She informs me that she created a “tumblr” account specifically for us, and we now have many fans.

Great.


	21. May 27th

Dear Diary,

While at my house, Phil and I did that awkward thing where you trip over each other and land in a vaguely sexual position, and I swear you could’ve heard my heart beating in Australia.

But that wasn't what made it bad.

What made it bad, was that Phil didn't immediately back away. He stared at me.

He did this thing where he glanced down at my lips then back to my eyes which I think may have officially drove me insane.

Then our faces were getting closer together and I could smell his breath (he smelled like an assortment of fruits, I think it was the gum he had been chewing beforehand).

But then Cat came barging in asking something about how to remove purple hair dye from carpets and Phil jumped off of me.

He looked me up and down, embarrassed, apologized, then left.

Cat asked what she had missed but I was too shocked to respond at the time.

(she made me tell her over text later, then informed me that she had posted the story onto our tumblr page, we have over 1000 followers.)


	22. June 2nd

Dear Diary,

I don't think I can process this right now.

I think Phil and I, just kissed?

We were just talking then he leaned over and suddenly we were like making out.

I'm not sure what I was thinking, I don't know that I was thinking.

He apologized and left in a hurry.

Ugh, my head hurts.


	23. June 10th

Dear Diary,

Phil has been acting like nothing happened, I'm horribly confused.

About everything.

p.s. cat has started making horrible puns on a regular basis am i in hell


	24. June 29th

Dear Diary,

Phil, Cat, and I went to a movie, it was a good movie but that's not what I wanna talk about rn. (Note to self: never use text language again.)

Cat had to go to the bathroom after it ended and Phil and I were just standing there awkwardly, outside by the car. Cat had the keys.

I mentioned something about the kiss, questioning, and he said that he didn't know what had come over him.

I asked if he regretted it.

He said that he didn't, that he couldn't possibly. Then he said that he may be in love with me.

I'm not sure exactly what gave me the confidence to do so, but the moment felt right, and I was pretty sure that he just confessed, so I kissed him

His hair was so soft curled around my fingers, and the feeling of his lips gently forming around mine was heavenly.

It quite literally felt like I was floating.

I could feel his hands roaming, trying to find a good place to hold me; they settled on my waist and tugged me closer to him.

I was so happy, and to be honest, I'm still glowing.

We broke apart before Cat came back, but I'm pretty sure my face was beat red, and I know our lips were swollen. Phil's hair screamed make out. I think she knows.

But she didn't say anything, so perhaps not.

Anyway, I need some Melatonin; can't calm down. I'm still giddy. 

Goodnight?

p.s. It’s midnight now, and I’m now sure that Cat knows, because she has just updated me that my and Phil’s tumblr blog just hit 2000 followers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going on a short vacation Friday through Tuesday, so I won't be able to update for a while, but thank you guys for all of the feedback I've received! It truly does mean a lot to me that there are people that legitimately enjoy reading what I've wrote. c:


	25. July 1st

Dear Diary, 

This time around, Phil isn't pretending like nothing happened, and he actually asked me out to this posh restaurant downtown called "Edmund's," I think? It's either that or "Egg Men," and I think the first one makes more sense.

Cat was eavesdropping when he asked and she revealed herself, screeching in joy about how her followers were going to love this. Phil managed to downplay it as "two bro's, going to get dinner," and Cat let the topic go, but she keeps giving me looks now.

While all of that's great and wonderful, there was a bad thing that happened today. 

I was just walking down the hall and some dude bumped into me, which pushed me into the metal locker door.

It wouldn't have been that bad, I didn't even drop anything, if it weren't for the glare the guy gave me.

Not only that, but it seemed as if he went out of his way to bump into me.

I'm sure I'm just being paranoid, but the whole scene just irked me for some reason. Summer break is soon however, so I won't have to worry about it for much longer anyway.


	26. July 4th

Dear Diary,

Phil showed up at school today wearing an American flag. 

Let me clarify that it was not a shirt with an American flag on it, not a cape, in fact, not any article of clothing. It was a literal flag.

But that wasn't the worst part about today, Cat keeps making America-themed puns now, which is way worse than her usual puns.

I mean, honestly though, we're not even American! Sometimes I just sit back and think about how these are the people I've chosen to hang out with.

However, in all seriousness, something more pressing happened today; I got threatened, at least I think that I did.

I found a note in my locker that just said, "You won't make it to summer, Danny boy," Except it didn't have a comma between "summer" and "Danny," but I'm an overly literate asshole, so I added it in. (Also, just a side note, have I ever said how much it bothers me when people call me "Danny boy?" Because it bothers me, a lot.)

My point is, I think it had something to do with that kid that bumped me in the hallway the other day, but I can't be sure. 

I don't think I'll tell anyone just yet, because it could have been a note that was meant for someone else. Maybe? Hopefully? 

I just want it to be summer break already, the 19th can't come soon enough.

(P.S. Phil accidentally wore his contacts in last night so he had to wear glasses today, and I just thought it important to mention that he looked nerdy but absolutely stunning in them.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not posting yesterday, I was a bit under the weather.


	27. July 5th

Dear Diary,

I don't know how to write about this, I feel silly for being scared, but I am.

The dude that I ran into in the hallway kept giving me looks around school, the same terrifying glares. 

After school ended, Phil walked me halfway home, but he had to get back to his own house to babysit his little sister. I almost told him about the note, but I didn't want to worry him.

I probably should've told him.

That guy that kept glaring came from nowhere, I swear. A punch to the face was all it took to take me down, I doubt I could've fought back, even if I hadn't been in shock.

Apparently, he didn't care about me already being down, though. He kept kicking and kicking, it hurts to just think about it.

In a fetal position on the ground I just took it, blow after blow. I mean, what could I do? 

He stopped after what seemed like forever and said something about, "Teaching me a lesson," and "Never shouldering him again." I almost laughed at how stupid of a reason that was for beating me up but I favored staying alive. I had to pick myself up after he left, luckily I wasn't too far from my house.

My mum freaked. I said that I fell and she eventually left it alone, but I could tell she wasn't convinced.

I'm staying home from school today, and it's Friday, so I have time to heal up a bit. But I've been ignoring the worried texts from Phil and Cat. (Side note: really my only friends.) I just don't know how to respond.

I'll talk to them soon, it's fine.


	28. July 6th

Dear Diary,

Good God, I'm horrible.

Phil and I were supposed to go on our dinner date last night and I completely forgot. On top of that I ignored his texts.

He came to my house after I hadn't been responding. My mum told him my fake story, but we went to my room and I told him what really happened.

Halfway through my explanation his hands were on my face and he was looking me over for injuries. He kissed every bruise he could see and kept apologizing over and over, even though I said I was okay; it wasn't that bad, and that it was in no way his fault. 

He didn't even mention the missed date, just asked if I was okay multiple times and blamed himself for not being there. 

He left my house around nine, after catching me up on what happened on Friday and reciting a few of Cat's awful puns, but he threw a rock at my window a couple hours later and we stayed up laying on the roof and watching the stars. He intertwined his hand with mine and my heart was racing so fast because it somehow seemed so much more intimate than kissing.

I told him that I loved him, and he said it back.

Despite aching everywhere, it was the best night of my life.


	29. July 19th

Dear Diary,

School's finally out for the summer, and my black eye is now more of a sickly-yellow eye, which strangely means that it's getting better.

Phil has not let me walk home alone a single day since I last wrote in here, even though I doubt I'll be attacked again (or that Phil could even fight him.)

Phil, however, insisted, saying that he could protect me if need be with his "ninja skills."

Even though he was joking around, I could tell he was scared of the possibility, and despite Phil's lack of muscles, it made me stupidly happy that he cared about me.

It's hard to put into words the way I love him, boyfriend doesn't quite do it justice. I keep thinking about that night we spent on the roof of my house and it feels so dreamy. Every second with him I just feel like I learn something new, fall a bit further. Not to mention that his hugs are THE BEST. He's so warm and he always smells like cinnamon. (side note: this is probably because of all of the cinnamon cereal he eats.) But his eyes, oh god. His eyes could outshine every light, every star. It's a cliché to say that one gets "lost" in someone's eyes, but that's exactly how I feel. But it's a good kind of lost, somehow.

God, that was cheesy.

I got carried away, I should get some sleep. Phil, Cat, and I are going to a summer festival tomorrow! Goodnight, journal. (side note: never say goodnight to the journal **ever** again, it's not sentient.)


End file.
